If only I wasn't meant for you
by Plasmolysed Cell Membrane
Summary: Rukawa just can't stand the new girl in school but he keeps finding himself getting attracted to her. Are hormones racing for him yet?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Slamdunk does not belong to me.  
  
  
  
  
  
If I only wasn't meant for you  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Almost every year, there would be transfers of students in and out of Shohoku High school. This year was Rukawa Kaede's 3rd year of high school and he was fortunate enough to get to sit next to a transfer student. To be exact, a really beautiful one.  
  
But what does he care anyway? Rukawa Kaede has cared about nothing in his entire life except for sleep and basketball.  
  
Rukawa  
  
  
  
  
  
She sat down beside me as if there was nothing wrong.  
  
I mean there really isn't anything wrong with that. But no one ever does.  
  
She stared down at me before she took her seat.  
  
Actually, she stared at me in disgust, kind of like the way that D'ahou does.  
  
  
  
Ayanami  
  
  
  
  
  
It's my first day in this school and the first guy I sit next to is drooling on the table.  
  
MAJOR GROSS!  
  
Is he like, mentally incapable or something?  
  
I mean, he looks as if he can't shut his mouth. I think he is. He's quite a good looker actually. But maybe his eyes are too small?  
  
And no, I don't fancy him. He is, quite frankly, not my type of boy.  
  
I realize, finally, that I was having a real good look at him. What if he thinks I'm checking him out? Oh never mind, his mental inabilities won't come to that conclusion. Ah no, shouldn't be so mean. Must try to act normal around him, no pity faces.  
  
"Hello, I'm Shirai Ayanami." I said, raising my hand out for him to shake. It sounded quite normal. Easy to understand as well.  
  
There was no response. No response.  
  
But guys always respond to me. They always do. .  
  
Okay. Okay. Calm down Aya. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you're still looking beautiful. It's just that that guy's retarded remember?  
  
Just plain ol' stupid.  
  
Rukawa  
  
The girl had her hand raised out towards me but I took quite long before it registered in my head that she was trying to be my friend. My mind had shifted to space again. Happens a lot lately, I must be really tired.  
  
A little late for that though. She had withdrawn her hand before I could shake it.  
  
She looked like she was about to break down. Its like she suddenly turned pale and had a heart attack. Not possible. She's too thin. But it was really quite convincing.  
  
She bit her lip and turned her face away from me.  
  
Don't tell me she was going to cry? Did I make her cry?  
  
Oh gawd. she IS crying! What am I supposed to do? Put my arm around her and say ' what's wrong?' ?  
  
I settled for asking 'What's wrong?'  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked. Well, it didn't turn out as I had planned to say in my head. It sounded like I demanded an answer.  
  
She looked up at me and just as I had expected, she looked quite shocked. But the words that came out of her mouth were not quite what I had thought of.  
  
"Oh my gosh! IT SPEAKS!" she said with her eyes widened.  
  
Okay. 'IT'? That's a little mean, isn't it? I mean, I only didn't shake her hand and greet her. But she doesn't have to refer to me like some kind of alien thing.  
  
And the way she said it sounded like I was this really gross creature that she wanted to dissect and use all my body parts for her wicked experiments. That was a little far-fetched but yes, that's exactly how I imagined it to be.  
  
Ayanami  
  
And all this while I thought he was retarded.  
  
"And all this while I thought you were retarded."  
  
Whoops. Maybe some things should not be blurted out.  
  
"WHAT?" he yelled.  
  
Yep. I should have shut my stupid mouth.  
  
"Umm yeah. I mean you didn't respond to my greeting and you drool on the table like its nobody's business and you obviously aren't attracted to me."  
  
"Excuse me???"  
  
"And you can't close your mouth." I blurted out again.  
  
What's going though my brain now?  
  
Stupid, stupid, stupid.  
  
How could you be so insensitive towards the retarded boy's feelings? He's still human you know. Still have feelings.  
  
Its bad enough you found out his little secret but you don't have to go around saying it. And especially to him!  
  
Oh my goodness! This is such a horrible day; I can't believe I'm so mean. I feel so guilty.  
  
Rukawa  
  
She thought I was retarded? What is wrong with the girl? No one has ever said that to me. Not even Sakuragi, my worst enemy, no one! I look perfectly normal and good-looking so to speak.  
  
And by the looks of it, she's probably going to tell everyone all over campus. She's so mean!  
  
"I'm. sorry. Honestly, I really am." She said. Her face was red. And she looked pretty.  
  
I forgot all about that. I was just so angry with her.  
  
Everything just happened so fast.  
  
I took a deep breath and calmed down a little.  
  
"I don't know what to say now." She sniffed. She was going to cry again. Did she really think I was retarded? She sounded really sincere though.  
  
Ayanami  
  
"Let me buy you a drink and we'll call it even."  
  
Is he for real? Here I am feeling guilty for him and he wants to buy a drink for me?  
  
Oh wait. that's perfectly normal, guys always do that. So he is normal after all! Rukawa  
  
I can't believe I just said that!  
  
"Okays." she said. Like it was no big deal. It wasn't a big deal to her. But it was the first time I have ever asked a girl to go for a drink with me.  
  
I hope she likes me.  
  
What are you thinking??? Who says that? That's so lame.  
  
But I really hoped she liked me. I didn't understand why it felt so important to me that she liked me but I just wanted her to.  
  
A lot. 


	2. chapter 2

Aurora: Hii, so nice of you guys to review my fic and in case you forget or something. Rukawa's in the third grade so if you wonder why he's the captain, then you'll have your answer yeah. I wonder if I should have him shave his head? Mmmmmm..... what do you think?  
  
  
Disclaimer: Slamdunk does not belong to me.  
  
If Only I Wasn't Meant For You  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
  
Rukawa  
  
I stared down at the drink in my hand.  
To be honest, I wasn't thirsty at all.  
In fact, I was supposed to be in basketball practice right that moment.  
And I'm the captain!  
  
Ayanami  
  
He's looking at his watch again.   
What is the matter with him?  
  
"Do you need to go somewhere?" I asked.  
  
And then that's when he choked on his drink.  
Yep... came right out of his nose.  
  
And that's when I laughed.  
And choked on my drink.  
And the same thing happened to me.  
  
Rukawa  
  
She had soda coming out of her nose just like I did.  
She looked really funny and she kept on laughing...  
  
I wanted to laugh too.  
But I have a really embarrassing laugh.  
  
I did manage a smile and rubbed my nose.  
That's when she stopped laughing.  
  
She wiped her nose with a paper towel and said," You look good when you smile. You ought to do that more."  
  
Talk about good-looking. I keep forgetting how pretty she looked.  
  
Her dirty blonde hair was tied up and spiked at the end and she had greyish blue eyes and pinky red lips.  
She looked really flushed.  
  
She's really pretty for such an annoying girl.  
  
For someone who cries at pretty much everything.  
  
For someone who can't laugh without squirting soda out of her nose.  
  
For someone who thought I was retarded.  
  
Geez...why do I even like her?  
  
Ayanami  
  
He seems to have gone out into space again.  
  
I'm beginning to think that he's autistic.  
  
Yes, I'm sure that's the problem.   
That's the trouble when your father is a doctor and you hang around the hospital all the time.  
The medical terms start to grow on you.  
  
I poured the soda on his hair.  
  
Rukawa  
  
Oh my Gawd! What is she doing?  
I just knew it. There's something wrong with the girl.  
  
"Do you mind?" I said, pushing her hand away.  
  
She looked at me with surprise and removed her hand from above my head.  
  
"Oh good... you're responding again. Can I ask you, are you mentally incapable in any way possible? Possibly mmm...Autistic?"  
  
WHAT? Not even a sorry for pouring the drink on your head on purpose?  
  
I refused to answer her. I'm beginning to believe that she is going to use me for her evil experiments.   
Its so obvious. I mean why would she be asking me all these questions about my mental health.  
  
I should get back to basketball practice.  
  
Ayanami  
  
He started walking off without answering me.  
  
"So you are then. My dad says that most autistic paitents always deny that they are because they don't want to be treated differently."  
  
He continued to walk. This time he started to cover his ears with his hands.  
  
Yes, I knew it. Its a state of denial.  
No wonder he acts so strange all the time. The poor guy!  
He must have been so rejected all his life that's why he acts so weird. Its no wonder he doesn't have any friends in school.  
  
Rukawa  
  
She's following me. How do I get her off my back?  
She's going to be a great embarrassment to me in the court.  
  
I took a step into the gym and everyone stopped practice.  
  
And then the stupid D'ahou comes up to me and says in his irritating voice.  
  
"Oi Kitsune! You're late! Who do you think you are? "  
  
Before I could answer the annoying monkey, the evil scientist had to butt in and say the most awful thing I have ever heard in the world of insults.  
  
"How can you be so mean? Don't you know his mental inabilities are holding him back?!?" she shouted at Sakuragi.  
  
Okay, I would like to die right now...  
  
Ayanami  
  
I'm quite sorry that I had to spill the beans for him but its really getting out of hand.  
People yell at him for being disabled. Its really quite disturbing.  
  
The red headed boy looked at me and grinned.  
  
"Finally, someone who understands him."He said.  
  
Okay...that's gotta be one big question mark for me.  
  
Understand him?  
  
"You know about it too?" I asked him.  
  
He nodded.  
Wow... he's really mean for someone who knows that Rukawa's stupid.  
  
"He's a sad case. I know. I try to treat him normal but he just seems to be so abnormal. Its difficult."  
  
Sakuragi  
  
This girl's really gullible. She actually thinks he's stupid.  
And she seems to believe me.  
  
This should be fun.  
  
Rukawa  
  
I want to put my hands around her neck and bang her head against the wall.  
  
I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her... ...  
  
Ayanami  
  
Oh the poor boy... 


	3. chapter 3

Aurora:Its school again...sigh... okay...this chapters not much funny... quite sappy really.. yeah so get ready for some major mush  
  
  
If Only I wasn't Meant For You  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
Ayanami  
  
Rukawa calmly put his sports bag down and picked up a basketball.  
Everybody was still looking at him, in an awkward way.  
  
He kept tossing the ball from one hand to the other.  
The whole court was silent, only the tossing could be heard, even the red headed boy shut up.  
  
I watched his every move in fascination.  
He raised an eyebrow and said," Why Y'all staring at me like that? Get your asses back to practicing."  
His actions were smooth and suave, his voice demanding and cool.  
  
Suddenly, everything came into place.  
His face, his voice and character.  
Everything fit together like a jigsaw.  
  
He was a perfectly normal, fine young man.  
And everybody listened to him. They had a whole lot of respect for him.   
  
He turned to me and cleared his throat.  
"I think you should leave, Ayanami-san." he said, coldly. " I really...think you should."  
  
Rukawa  
  
I wanted to take it back. She looked so broken when I said that.  
But I just didn't feel like saying anything to her, I didn't even want to look at her.  
I did not want to have anything to do with her anymore.  
  
Its like part of me wanted to shove her into a closet and lock her up in there with all the other bad memories I've had.  
The other part wanted to say ' I'm sorry. Don't go. I'm lonely. I'm lost. I'm sad. I'm worried. I'm scared. Don't go...'  
I've been alone for so long, maybe far too long.   
I wanted to tell her that everynight I have the same dream.  
  
The night when my Dad walked out of the house.  
He just walked out like there was nothing.  
Mom didn't even stop him. She didn't even know.  
She didn't see what happened.  
  
I did. I saw... everything... ...  
  
Ayanami  
  
Oh my gawd!  
He passed out. He just passed out on the floor like that.  
  
"Captain! Captain!" Everybody was shouting.  
  
I needed to get my Dad. I went to the payphone and called him up.  
  
"Daddy... a boy... he passed out..."   
And I have a feeling I know why.  
  
Its because of me.  
  
Rukawa  
  
Arghh...my head hurts and I feel so dizzy...  
I opened my eyes but everything seems so blur.  
  
Then a voice said," Hey now sonny, don't go around pushing yourself too hard now."  
  
"Dad?"  
  
The man chuckled, "Haha...No, but we're trying to contact your parents now. Not to worry, you're just being stressed out alittle too much. Gotta relax alittle."  
  
I blinked a couple of times and my vision was cleared.  
  
I was in bed. But not in my bed. It was a white quilt and there was a stuffed bear at the side. There were sunflowers on the bed-side table and the room had a strawberry cream smell.  
It looked like heaven.  
  
The man before had a warm laugh and a hearty smile.  
  
"Haha... yes... its not your room... do you want to call your parents? You're welcomed to use the phone." the man gave a happy laugh again, putting the cordless phone on my lap.  
  
"Are you God?" I asked.  
  
"No... I'm not ...I'm not Santa either so let's not wait till Christmas till you make the call."  
  
I came back to earth again and reached for the phone.  
Then I thought for a while.  
  
Who the hell am I going to call?  
  
My mom's in Korea for some kind of business trip and well... that's all.  
  
I started to dial my home number.  
  
"Hello?" my sister answered the phone.  
  
"Hey, its me."  
  
"OH... its late. Where are you?"she asked.  
  
"umm..." I didn't know myself.  
  
"Are you being held hostage? Cause I don't have any money and mom's away."  
  
"Gee... where'd you get that idea?"  
  
"From you. You're always telling me that one day you're gonna get kidnapped for being such a good basketball player and then I'd have to pay the ransom for you but I don't have any money so I guess some other day then."she said.  
  
"Okay kid, I'll be back soon. Tell you bout' it when I get home."  
She's soooo weird sometimes.  
Mom says she's a duplicate of me.  
But I can't possibly be that strange, now can I?  
  
"What EVA..."and she hung up.  
  
I'll bet she's rolling her eyes now.  
Don't ask me how I know, I just do.  
She's a freak.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I watched him from outside my room.  
Dad had left for the hospital.  
  
Rukawa was on my bed and he was asleep.  
Dad said he was just really stressed out. It must have been really tough for him, to be captain and all that.  
Not to mention now that I'm here and making him mad.  
  
I stepped into the room and tried to be a silent as I could.  
I kneeled down beside the bed.  
And I cried.  
and cried.  
  
Rukawa  
  
When I opened my eyes again, I found Ayanami's head resting by the side of the bed.  
She looked so tired.  
Her hair was in a bit of a mess and she was still in her school uniform.  
  
And oh gawd... I wanted to kiss her.  
  
But I didn't have the guts to.  
  
I got out of bed without waking her up and picked up my school bag, which was lying on the floor.  
  
I took one last look at her and thought maybe I should write a note to her and thank her.  
So I did and slipped it on her desk.  
  
Ayanami  
  
When I woke up, Rukawa had already left.  
I felt disappointed. I didn't know why.   
  
Maybe he was just the first person I've actually made friends with for the whole time I was in Kanagawa.  
I didn't have a single friend and I guess I was really lonely.  
  
But my heartached when he left without telling me and the fact that he didn't wake me up made me feel that he didn't want to have anything to do with me. It reminded me of him telling me to leave that day.  
He must have really hated me.  
  
And I really really liked him. I liked the way he talked, the way he smiled. I liked it when he was quiet and when he seemed so mysterious.  
That made it worse.  
A whole lot worse. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:Slamdunk does not belong to me.  
  
  
If only I wasn't meant for you  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Rukawa  
  
She walked past me.  
  
There was no 'Hello'.  
There was no 'How you feelin''  
There wasn't even a smile.  
  
It was like she couldn't even see me.  
  
That was like pure torture.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I met Rukawa again today.  
He sorta stared at me as I passed him by.  
It was a long hard stare and time seemed to have stopped for me as I walked past him.  
  
My arm brushed against his but none of us reacted to it.  
  
Ayanami and Rukawa  
  
Maybe his/her life would be better without me in it.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I just want him to forget me.  
  
Rukawa  
  
I want her to be happy.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I walked towards the bathroom and and leant over the toilet seat.  
I started to throw up.  
  
I didn't want to do anything.  
I closed the cubicle door and sat on the toilet seat.  
Warm tears ran down my face.  
I left them to run wild down my cheeks, I didn't wipe them away because I was too tired to.  
  
My mouth still had the sourish, stale taste of barf.  
What's wrong with me?  
  
Crying over some lame guy...  
I never used to be so head over heels over a guy.  
  
Why?   
  
why?  
  
Why...  
  
Rukawa  
  
Ayanami didn't turn up for class today.  
It was strange, I never thought she was the type to cut class.  
I don't even do that anymore.  
  
I actually copied some notes in class today.  
It kept my mind off her.  
  
The history teacher was actually gapping at me when I took out a pen and started to scribble.  
  
Fascinating, isn't it?  
  
I thought so.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I tore out a sheet of paper from my scrapbook and wrote a note to Rukawa and telling him to meet me at the Sakura tree outside the school  
  
I passed it to Sakuragi and he seemed pretty surprised but he agreed to help me give it to him.  
  
Rukawa  
  
Sakuragi came up to me after class and passed me a note.  
A pink one.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm not interested in you."I told him  
  
I saw him scowl.  
"Its not from me baka kitsune! Ayanami told me to give it to you."he said.  
  
Well, that was quite civilized for someone like him.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
He was about to walk away but he turned around and asked.  
  
"Is she your girlfriend?"  
  
I shook my head.   
  
"Well, okay then."he said quietly.  
  
Now THAT was weird!  
  
We actually had a conversation which had nothing related to basketball whatsoever and we didn't even fight.  
I guess, maybe time does make a person change.  
  
"Sakuragi."I called.  
  
He glanced and me raised an eyebrow.  
  
I raised the note up.  
"Thanks..."I mumbled.  
  
He shrugged and walked off, whistling that awful 'Tensai' song of his.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I sat under the tree and pulled my knees up to my chest.  
I looked at my watch and it was already 20 minutes after school had ended.  
He still wasn't there.  
  
I got up and made my way home.  
I suppose this was the real ending of the both of us.  
  
If there ever was an 'us'.  
  
Rukawa  
  
Oh gawd!  
She wanted to see me after school.  
  
What time was it?  
15 minutes after school...  
I was so late!  
Oh please let her be there...  
  
When I reached the tree, I saw her leave.  
I tried to run after her, but she was so far off.  
  
Looks like I'll have to talk to her tomorrow.  
  
I just didn't realize how wrong I was.  
  
Ayanami  
  
When I reached home, I saw my dad packing his bags.  
  
"What's going on Dad?" I asked.  
  
"Quick girl, pack your bags! We're leaving for the States now!"He said.  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
"Your mother was in a car accident. She's currently in a the emergency room. I don't know how bad it is but its better if we get there as fast as we can."He said.  
  
I knew mom had a job in The USA that's why we lived seperately.  
  
And now she was in an accident.  
  
I can't believe how screwed up my life was!  
  
Rukawa  
  
Ayanami didn't turn up for school today.  
She hadn't turned up for a week.  
  
The teacher said she had some family problems and had to leave for the States.  
  
I was hoping that she would return but she didn't.  
  
And I missed her.  
I want her.  
So badly... but she's far beyond my grasp.  
  
Ayanami  
  
I kneeled down in front of my mom's grave.  
I can't believe she was gone.  
  
Mom was gone.  
I cried and cried and I hugged the flowers which I was supposed to put at the grave.  
  
Dad put his arms around me and gave me a hug.  
I knew he needed one too, so I hugged him back.  
And we cried in each other embrace.  
  
I didn't want to let him go because he was the only person I left.  
There was no Mom.  
There was no Rukawa.  
There was no more life for me anymore.  
  
I wanted to die. 


End file.
